中壢英語國際演講會 Chungli Toastmasters Club

Special Occasion Speech   Project 3 THE ROAST

Objectives:

1.      Poke fun at a particular individual in a good-natured way

2.      Adapt and personalize humorous material from other sources.

3.      deliver jokes and humorous stories effectively.

Time: Three to five minutes.

Used in the speaking sense, the word “roast” implies that heat is being applied to someone- that someone is being “booked” or embarrassed in some way.

Actually, a roast can be considered a positive recognition, in which an individual and his or her achievements are honored by friends, co-workers and family.

However, unlike the speech of praise, a roast relies on wit, humor and stire to convey the message.

Retirement, farewell, promotion and anniversary parties can all be occasions for roasts. Most often the individual being honored is roasted by numerous others, each delivering several minutes of material. This roast material generally consists of jokes and anecodotes about the honored guest’s person, accomplishments, escapades and eccentricities. The jokes and anecdotes are good natured- not mean-spirited- and may not even be true! But they are funny. And, best of all, at the end of the roast the recipient is given and opportunity to respond.

Preparing the Material

A successful roast begins with a willing guest of honor. This individual must be agreeable and capable of handling the verbal abuse with grace and cheerfulness. Also, you- and everone attending or participating in the roast- must know and like the person well enough, or the roast simply won’t be funny.

Once it has been established that guest is willing and is known fairly well by all who will attend, you are ready to begin assembling your roast material.

Begin by making a list of everything you know about the guest of honor, such as:

‧    fmaily

‧    education

‧    employment

‧    personal characteristics (including appearance and mannerisms)

‧    hobbies

‧    travel experience

‧    outstanding achievement

‧    personal philosophies

If necessary, talk to the individual’s family and friends to fill in any missing information. It is important to find out as much as you can, since this information will serve as the basis for your material.

Next, select several of the above areas which have the most promising information and to which most of your audience can relate. Then begin collecting jokes and anecdotes that address these areas. You will find a great deal of material in joke books, newspapers and magazines. Then adapt the material to your guest of honor. Don’t neglect to include original jokes and stories and events that actually happened.

As an example, consider this scenario: The person you are roasting, Ed, is a co-worker, known for both his determination and for meeting deadlines against all odds, and the occasion is his promotion to vice president. Once of your joke could be, “We appreciate some delays in project X, and Ed was very upset. I said, “Ed, Rome wasn’t built in a day”. He replied, “ I wasn’t in charge of that job”. You could then talk about Ed’s contributions to the company, saying, “Ed takes credit for a lot of achievements… mine mostly. “

Remember, since this is a good humored roast rather than a sober testimonial, your jokes need not be reality-based. Instead, start with a kernel of truth, then exaggerate it or distort it to unbelievable levels. Or your story could be completely fantasy-based.

Whatever jokes or anecdotes your select. Be sure the suit you. You must be comfortable with them, and your audience must be comfortable hearing you tell them. For example, if you are normally a reserved person, no one is likely to accept a story from you about the time you and Ed performed in a rodeo together.

But they would accept your story about the marriage advice Ed once gave you.

Above all, be sure your material will not hurt the feelings of the guest of honor. Generally it is safe to poke fun at things that the guest of honor kids himself about.  For example, if the guest of honor often jokes about her terrible tennis game, you can safely joke about her tennis abilities as well. Even so, ask someone close to the guest of honor to review your material beforehand to determine if anything might be offensive.  If something is questionable, rewrite or eliminate it.  In all cases, use good taste and avoid using profanity or “ blue” material; you risk offending or embarrassing not only the audience but the guest of honor as well.

Your Delivery

Are you uncomfortable telling a joke? Do you think that some people are just born to be funny- and you aren’t one of them? The truth is, people can tell a joke if it is right for them, if they are familiar with it, and if they have overcome their nervousness through rehearsal and coaching.

Some of the best jokes come from surprise and incongruity; when shy, quiet Nancy deliver a knockout joke, the audience will roar.

The key is rehearsal. Delivery can make or break the best material in the world. Practice your roast so thoroughly that all clumsiness, false starts and mumbled punch lines are eliminated.  And remember to be yourself. Too often novice humorists try to imitate their favorite comedian, the usual result being and uncomfortable silence from the audience. Avoid such embarrassments by telling your stories and jokes in the same way you normally speak. Enunciate properly and speak slowly, remembering always to project your voice. Don’t rush through your material- especially your punch lines! Always maintain good eye contact with your audience, and use gesture naturally.

Once you feel your material is ready, rehearsal your delivery with family or friends.  Ask for their advice. Should you pause in certain places for effect? Gesture a certain way? Change a joke or anecdote?

Your Project Speech

For this project, you will create and present a three-to five-minute “roast”.

The occasion- e.g., retirement banquet, anniversary ore farewell party- will be selected by you. The speech is to be humorous, including jokes and anecdotes about the honored guest that may be adapted from other sources. The presentation should be good-natured and not offend the individual or the audience.

Dear 兄弟姐妹們,

         Are you still high? Are you still recalling the party night that we had? Do not doubt it…that’s what I keeping heard from other clubs, the party was just wonderful!這次party真的很棒, 是我參加過近年來最好玩的party, 到現在依然意猶未盡, 加上我們中壢Club的努力, 不但演出成功獲得滿堂彩, 還幫助紅隊拿到勝利, 一整個就是high到爆~~

在此特別感謝:

Jade> 我們 “城市瘦女”的團長; 謝謝妳最早力挺加入,以及妳精心安排的歌曲演練及舞步, 雖然練習時間有限, 但表現已經超乎大家想像, 很多人根本不相信我們真正練習只有當天下午喔! 我只能說Jade, “城市瘦女” 因為你的努力號召下而誕生, 真有你的!! Thank You

Amy> 我們的會長; 謝謝妳對我的鼓勵與信心, 大膽的將整個X’ MAS party 交給我來策劃, 可惜Julian 這次無法參與,不然整個活動一定會更棒! 同時也要謝謝妳最後決定加入我們的 “城市瘦女”!! 要是少了妳, 整體舞步就沒這麼生動了…更重要的是, 妳很瘦好嗎? 不要再懷疑了~~~  Thank You

Iris> 我們的1號主唱;謝謝妳帶來精采的演唱, 原來你的歌聲還真不錯聽, 個人覺得比Sunday讚, 不過下次要再唱得更大聲點, 對自己有信心~ 無庸置疑你已經是個KTV 咖, 下次如果有去唱歌一定要找妳!! 也謝謝妳離開校園後, 第一次的演出即獻給了 “城市瘦女” 喔!! Thank You

Sunday> 我們的2號主唱, 也是我們的Party Queen; 謝謝妳所帶來的歌聲, 跟Iris搭配的天衣無縫! 謝謝妳的小貼心, 這名牌我會去護貝, 以後有表演就掛這張=D 謝謝你的搭配主持, 雖然很多沒有照劇本走, 但是一搭一唱還是把它搞定. 謝謝妳常常說: 「快點….. 我們怎樣怎樣……還有….怎樣怎樣……然後…..怎樣怎樣…厚~ 來不及了啦」最後很多靈感就莫名奇妙冒出來了!! 如果說你有吸引人的地方….我想莫過於你在跳日本怪叔叔舞的時候吧~ 讚!! Thank You

HH > 我們的音樂總監;謝謝妳的音樂控制及操作, 雖然在夢中不小心把音樂切斷, 但表演當天可以說是分秒不差的播放完畢! 連當天比賽的Timer 私下跟我說, 我們的音樂配合跟表演完全剛剛好, 9分58秒整, 連舉牌的機會都沒有!驊萱一整個很屌=) Thank You

Chad> 我們超熟男團體“2266 哩哩落落”的團長; 謝謝你創意的舞步安排以及內容橋段, 同時也讓其它成員在最短的時間內將歌詞背熟, 動作做完, 默契一整個滿分! 我漸漸發現…Chad哥, 原來你也是搞笑的咖好嗎? 不要再悶燒了, 瞧你表演的照片, 燒的勒~~ 哈哈! Thank You

Rex> 我們的“2266 哩哩落落”的潛力新秀; 謝謝你在課業繁忙之餘情意相挺, 有了你的加入, 2266變得更活潑生動, 表演後發現, 原來你也是個戲班子嘛, 下次有機會我們也來演一齣 “棒棒糖”男孩之類的, 這樣Chad 就不能演了!!哈哈 Thank You

Steve> 我們雪中送炭的夥伴; 謝謝你一通電話就馬上答應演出, 連跟你演練的時間都沒有就要你上場, 真不好意思~ 不過結果也是大放異彩, Steve, 真有你的, 平常在辦公室你就坐我前面, 我都不曉得你也有這種本事嘛~ 不要再ㄍㄧㄥ了!!  有空常來多跟我們聚聚好嗎? 你絕對是我們Club的頭號VIP ! Thank You

Louis> 我們中壢Club的精神指標; 謝謝God Brother在台上跟我們一起載歌載舞, 其實把您拉上來一直都是安排的橋段之一!! 哈~~也謝謝你在E MAIL對我們的鼓勵與精神同在, 希望這段表演沒讓您失望!! Thank You

Guest> 感謝Zoe and Cavis兩位美女ㄧ同共襄盛舉, 希望妳們還愉快^^ 有空也常來跟大家多聚聚吧~ You are always welcome !! Thank You

總之這次Party 成功!! OH YEAH ~~ Thank You Guys, I Love You All!!

PS. 桃園分會的會長Brain 有提到,他抽獎中了兩千元要捐出來, 約一天找我們還有林口一起出來紅隊慶功宴喔!!

 Orson 歐小森

Table Topic Session- Rex

1.      Reading is the beginning of knowledge. Do you usually read? Why?

2.      Do you like single life?

3.      What’s the relation between music and your life?

4.      Recently, the stock prices have been decreasing. Do you feel any different in your life?

5.      Do you know? Our government is going to give us a big red envelope. What kind of things would you like to buy?

Ladies & Gentlemen:  

Last week, I have sorted my document by grade. (from kindergarten, elementary school, junior high school, senior high school, university, to graduate school) Looking at these documents, lots of memories showed in my mind. One of the most impressive parts is my transcript. My dear friends, remember your teachers’ praises or comments for you? I’d like to share mine with you.

I am an introvert by nature. My mom told me that she has thought I got autism in my childhood since I seldom speak with others. There are three important turning points of changing my personality. I really appreciate my family’s support and encouragement, so that I’ve become the independent person. Firstly, my parents let me join several extra-curricular activities such as playing the piano, painting, skating, and learning Chinese calligraphy in order to build up my character and confidence. These activities made me benefit more and meet lots of friends. For example, I have played the piano for thirteen years since I was four. I was always selected to be an accompanist for classes’ choirs. It made me get the courage and the opportunity to show on the stage. I enjoyed playing the piano on the stage because I can show myself without doing eye-contact with my audiences. The funny part is that I used to play the piano, but I am out of tune. So never try to make me sing a song.

The second point is to choose English as my major at Soo-chow University. In my university life, the most horrible program for me is “English speech”. We are always asked to create the new topic and do the brainstorming with others in order to do the speech. In fact, that really made me nervous and crazy, but through discussing and cooperating with friends, I got the different interesting learning experiences. These curriculums all enriched my social life and broadened my horizon. After graduating from university, I’ve worked as the children’s English teacher in the cram school for one year. In my teaching process, I’ve found that teaching is the long-term journey, so I have to learn more to enrich myself.

Thus, the final point is to study my MA program in Chung Yuan Christian

University. The multiple teaching curriculums inspire me a lot. The practical subjects made me apply what I have learned into real teaching.  Furthermore, I get more confidence and improve my social ability from these valuable activities and lessons.

However, in my graduate school life, I’ve found that I have met a big dilemma about English day by day. The one is that being the children’s English teacher, I have to use the basic English to teach them, so I used to say, “Listen to me!” “Be quiet!” “Please come here or raise your hand!” My teaching life is full of English classroom management. The other one is that we have to present the academic paper or opinions in class, so our speech is always full of serious style. English becomes the boring tool and makes me feel that I’m not able to communicate with others in English by nature. So, I’m happy to find Toastmasters and come here to develop my English communication again and recover my passion for English. I believe this will be my fourth turning point in my life.

         In a farmyard, a Mother Duck sat on her nest. She was waiting for her eggs to hatch. Each day she proudly looked at them. There were six eggs, which meant six little ducklings to teach to swim.

　　One sunny spring morning, the first egg began to crack.

　　'Tap, tap, tap,' a duckling inside try to get out. Mother Duck watched as the egg cracked open and out popped a fluffy duckling.

　　"One," said Mother Duck proudly.

　　Then, in the following days, eggs were hatched one by one.

　　However the sixth day passing, but nothing happened. Nor on the seventh.

　　"How strange," said Mother Duck on the seventh day. "It should have hatched by now."

　　One of the farmyard chicken said;

　　"Oh, You're still there I thought you'd be in the pond by now."

　　"My last egg hasn't hatched yet." said Mother Duck. "

　　"Let me see," said the chicken. "Well no wonder. It looks like a goose egg to me. You'll be here for a long time."

　　"Oh dear," said Mother Duck. "I have my five little ducklings to teach to swim. What shall I do? I can't leave it."

　　"Aah well," said the chicken, and she wandered off.

　　The goose heard that one of her eggs was in Mother Duck's nest.

　　"Is it true?" she asked, as she puffed up to the nest. "Do you have one of my eggs?"

　　"I think so," said Mother Duck. They both looked in the nest.

　　"Huh," said the goose. "That's not mine. It looks more like that absent-minded turkey's egg."

　　As they looked, they suddenly heard the faint tapping. The shell was breaking.

　　"We'll soon see," said the goose.

　　They watched and waited.

　　"Oh," said the goose.

　　"Oh, dear," said Mother Duck, as she looked at the sixth duckling. It looked very strange, it was straggly and grey where its brothers and sisters were fluffy and yellow. It was also bigger than them.

　　It quacked as it saw its mother.

　　"Well, if it's a turkey," said the goose, "it won't swim."

　　Mother Duck hurried her ducklings to the pond. She waddled in and listened. Splash! Splish! Splosh! Splash! Splish! She turned and looked. All six ducklings followed her in the water.

　　"Oh, well," she said. "He can swim. He is definitely not a turkey."

　　The sixth duckling was very good at swimming, and was soon swimming better than his brothers and sisters.

　　When they back at the farmyard, things did not go well for the little duckling. Everyone called him an ugly duckling. The chickens laughed at him, the turkeys chased him and the geese hissed at him.

　　Soon even his brothers and sisters would not talk to him, but when his mother turned away, he was very sad. He decided to leave the farmyard.

　　One sunny morning, the duckling left the farmyard and didn't look back. He was looking for somewhere new to live.

　　When he'd been walking a while he came to a large lake. There were some ducks swimming on it.

　　He swam up to them.

　　"May I stay on this lake?" he asked.

　　"Of course," said the ducks. "We'll be moving on soon. Why don't you join us, if you're on your own?"

　　"Thank you," said the duckling.

　　The duckling stayed on the lake and day by day he grew bigger. One day he looked up to see some large white birds flying gracefully over the lake.

　　"They're beautiful," he whispered, and then sighed. "I wonder who they are?"

　　One day the ducks came to see him.

　　"It's autumn, and we're going now," they told him, "join us if you want to."

　　Some ducks began to fly up to leave, but suddenly loud bangs were heard. Two of the ducks fell from the sky. Others flew up in fright, and more fell as more bangs were heard.

　　The duckling ran and hid. He found a bush and stayed there until the noise had stopped. When it was quiet he sadly left the lake and headed away over the fields.

　　He came to another lake and there he stayed. Winter was coming and he was alone. As the days grew colder, he found that it was harder to find food.

　　The one morning he woke and found that he couldn't move. The lake had frozen and he was stuck in the ice. The day passed and the duckling was giving up hope of being found. But late in the afternoon a man walking his dog and saw him. He broke the ice, and the duckling was free. He ran across the ice and hid. He didn't dare to go on the ice again.

　　Winter passed, spring came, and the ice melted.

　　The duckling stretched his wings and found that they were strong enough to carry him. He flew upon and over the lake, high above the trees and fields. He should have been very happy, but he was not because he felt so lonely.

　　A few days later, he looked up to see the large white birds he had seen in the autumn. They looked beautiful as they landed on the lake. The duckling admired their glossy white feathers and long necks. He swam over to take a closer look at them.

　　"Please," he said shyly. "Will you tell me who you are. You are so beautiful and I am so ugly. I've never seen anybody like you."

　　"Ugly," cried one of the white birds. "How silly!"

　　"We're swans," said another. "Why do you think you're ugly? Look at yourself in the water."

　　The duckling looked and caught sight of his own reflection. He gasped in surprise, for instead of seeing a fat, grey duckling he saw a swan with a long elegant neck and a bright orange bill. "I'm like you," he cried. "I'm a swan, too."

　　"Definitely," said the swan, with a smile.

　　"Does that mean I can stay with you, and not live alone?"

　　"Of course," said the swans.

　　At that moment two children ran down to the lake. "Ooh, look!" they cried. "The swans are back and there's a new one, too. Isn't he beautiful!"

　　The ugly duckling stretched his neck and ruffled his feathers with pride.

　　Then it was time to go flying with all of the other swans and, as the duckling took off from the lake, he could see his new beautiful reflection in the water.