中壢英語國際演講會 Chungli Toastmasters Club

A13 The Roast- Chad

Toastmasters of the Evening says:  

    Ladies and Gentlemen, today is Albert’s promotion celebration party.  I hope you are enjoyed.  As I know some of you have known Albert for many years, but some of you do not know much about Albert. Let us take this opportunity to see what we shall update about him.  And Chad would like to give some words in this party.  Let us welcome Chad.

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Hello Albert, it is so great to join your celebration party today.  You must have a big big big sales in your job, don’t you. Otherwises, in this bad time when economy is stepping into recession, and you can get a promotion.  This proves your performance must be awesome.  Or, your manager was just lay off so they put you into that position?  Or your boss is an old lady?

Trust me, Ladies and Gentlemen, this promising young man has magical attraction to old women.  Most of his big clients are those rich old women. And they are even have Albert’s Fans Club. Just like 許純美 is crazy about 小狼狗. But, trust me, Albert is selling mutual funds & government bonds only, nothing else.  However, I still can not figure out one thing until today.  Albert could easily marry a rich woman and be taken care like a kid. And live a happy life like Prince and….Queen for rest of life.  On the opposite, he made a strange decision to marry a little girl and take care of her like baby sitter every day and night.  He can not resist of little girl’s attraction, right?  No, Albert is a man who prefers to give rather than being given. So he gives love to his wife, gives money to his family, gives time to friends and only takes money from customers.  What a promising young man!

Albert is an energetic young man who used to sleep 4 hours a day (it is 30% of yours only, Sunday).  He will do studying, reading books, writing poetry, playing the violin, and go exercising.  In a day, he can go swimming in the morning, playing basketball in the afternoon and get a 5000 meters jogging after dinner.  Before sleeping, another 100 push-ups shall be done, otherwise, he can not fall in to sleep because he is not tired enough.  Thanks God, we have banks in this world. And the good thing is we have financial crisis recently. So Albert can fully diver his energy into it. And devote his genius-like talents into this bank system to see a way out.  See… he got a promotion.

His superman’s energy also leads him to join the Marine in military.   Do you remember that? He was coming back from military to give speech with a man-power body shape and doing push-ups in front of everybody.  I forget what the speech title is.  I guess it shall be something about “Demonstration of push-ups” or “the correct way to do push-ups.  But, I am very sure that Toastmasters speech manuals do not have this kind of project. 

The fact is at the moment, he looked like a Beer.  Girls and boys were eager to get a bite of his muscle. Yes, includes some boys.  He didn’t look like now at all. So, Albert, is it because of we are having two cute Pandas coming to Taiwan, and you see everybody likes this new image. So you force yourself to change your out looking? You look so cute like Panda now.  That Taiwan Black Beer is disappeared.  Ladies and gentlemen, do you know that Pandas can eat 30Kg bamboo in a day and have 5 Kg poo poo in one time?  I have no ideas if this Panda in this room can do the same or not.

At least one thing we know that Pandas are very popular. Everybody likes to be with them.  Albert has the same attraction to everybody.  He is friendly and easygoing. It is always comfortable to be with him.  After having this new out looking, Albert does not have to worry about sleeping anymore.  Before, that black beer has to do 100 push-ups to have enough feeling to sleep.  Now, this Panda can do 5 push-ups only when having enough sleep. He does not have to waste time running out of energy.  That is a good change. Just like what Obama says: We need change. Yes we can. It is just 5 push-ups. Yes we can.

Albert, I hope I effectively point out a lot of advantages you have in your party today. Our country needs promising young man. I believe with your full energy in banks, taking from clients, giving to friends, and Panda’s popular out looking, you will bring new hopes to this society.  Keep it up, promising young man!